Sunday, November 07, 2004
Trouble and Joy
On Friday evening, Don and Shelly Wood invited me to the opera. Although I hadn't seen Madame Butterfly before, I had surmised much of the plot, particularly that all would not end happily for the opera's namesake. Even so, I had not anticipated that Butterfly would be called upon to surrender her 3 year old son to his father. The adorable child who played the boy resembled Max, and as Butterfly sang her final anguished aria, it was all I could do to keep from coming emotionally unhinged. On the way home, after I was in a more composed state, it dawned on me that the young boy is perfectly named: his mother calls him, alternately, Trouble and Joy.
This evening as I put my own little Trouble/Joy to bed, he again asked for "some skin." With his head was resting on my bare stomach, I asked Max how he felt. He said, "Safe." And then he said, "Let's talk about my feelings." We play several versions of this game, but this evening our conversation went like this:
- When do you feel happy, Max?
- When I'm smiling.
- When do you feel sad?
- When I'm in a time out.
- When do you feel scared?
- When a monster chases me.
- When do you feel excited?
- When I see something I like.
- When do you feel silly?
- When I shake my head like this.
- When do you feel shy?
- With Jackie. [Max was hiding his head like an ostrich when Jackie and Shelly came by today to take me to lunch.]
- When do you feel nervous?
- When I take a nap.
- When do you feel angry?
- When I'm in time out.
- When do you feel loving?
- With Don and Shelly.
Therapy is expensive--really, really expensive. But helping Max forge an emotional compass to navigate the travails of boyhood and beyond? That is truly priceless.
This evening as I put my own little Trouble/Joy to bed, he again asked for "some skin." With his head was resting on my bare stomach, I asked Max how he felt. He said, "Safe." And then he said, "Let's talk about my feelings." We play several versions of this game, but this evening our conversation went like this:
- When do you feel happy, Max?
- When I'm smiling.
- When do you feel sad?
- When I'm in a time out.
- When do you feel scared?
- When a monster chases me.
- When do you feel excited?
- When I see something I like.
- When do you feel silly?
- When I shake my head like this.
- When do you feel shy?
- With Jackie. [Max was hiding his head like an ostrich when Jackie and Shelly came by today to take me to lunch.]
- When do you feel nervous?
- When I take a nap.
- When do you feel angry?
- When I'm in time out.
- When do you feel loving?
- With Don and Shelly.
Therapy is expensive--really, really expensive. But helping Max forge an emotional compass to navigate the travails of boyhood and beyond? That is truly priceless.
2 Comments:
How lovely that he is willing to invite talking about his feelings (even if it takes "skin" to get that started). And very interesting that taking a nap is when he feels nervous. Have you asked him more about that?
What are you doing?!! He's a BOY and you're teaching him about FEELINGS??? Yuck. How's he ever going to fit in with the other guys? ;-)
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