Friday, June 11, 2004
Skin
"I want some skin." I hear this rather unusual expression from Max almost every day. What it means in concrete terms is that he wants to lift my shirt and press his cheek against my bare skin. What it means in emotional terms is not as clear. From my standpoint, however, it's sweet and tender and maybe a little odd. As best I can tell, none of my friends has had this experience with their toddlers, which leaves me wondering exactly how we got here.
When I was pregnant with Max, I embraced the parenting philosophy that babies who receive lots of skin-to-skin contact with their mothers experience a variety of benefits: better sleep, fewer problems with nursing, less stress, fewer infections and greater security. Even without this persuasive list, physical contact between mom and baby just seemed to make intuitive sense to me. And as an added bonus, holding a baby's silky skin close feels really, really wonderful.
Soon after I weaned Max, he began to raise my shirt and lean against my skin. I found this to be pretty endearing and took it as a natural transition from the closeness of nursing to greater independence on his part. If you want to know what mother love is, I even tolerated this behavior last summer, when I was quite voluminous with Reed, and Max would call me "Big Momma" as he'd rest his head against my belly....
To the best of my knowledge, the only other person with whom Max does this is Babee. She accommodates him with remarkably good humor, which is particularly helpful in her case since Max often chooses to expose her torso in public places.
I still might not have given this much thought were it not for a recent incident involving bathing suits. A few weeks ago while flipping through a magazine, I came across one of those springtime articles about best swimsuits for every figure. The article caught Max's eye, too. He enthusiastically shouted, "SKIN!" and crawled into my lap for a better view.
I have tried to make it a habit, at moments like this, to modulate my own reaction. I don't want Max to think there's anything alarming about looking at women's skin, and by the same token, I don't want to raise a voyeur. So we looked at the pictures together and I spun them into an ad hoc, interactive lesson about body parts: head, shoulders, knees and toes, that kind of thing. Imagine my surprise a few days later when Max, searching for something to do, said, "Mommy, I want to see the pictures of the girls with the skin." (Strangely, those pictures were nowhere to be found....)
So what does all this mean? I can't be sure, of course, but here's what I imagine. I think Max means: "I want to be close to you. I want a connection with you. I need comfort from you right now." And if I'm honest, he probably also means, "I like girls." So I intend for his grandmother and I to provide him with a lot of closeness and connection and comfort, and hopefully he won't need those things from other "girls" for a long time.
When I was pregnant with Max, I embraced the parenting philosophy that babies who receive lots of skin-to-skin contact with their mothers experience a variety of benefits: better sleep, fewer problems with nursing, less stress, fewer infections and greater security. Even without this persuasive list, physical contact between mom and baby just seemed to make intuitive sense to me. And as an added bonus, holding a baby's silky skin close feels really, really wonderful.
Soon after I weaned Max, he began to raise my shirt and lean against my skin. I found this to be pretty endearing and took it as a natural transition from the closeness of nursing to greater independence on his part. If you want to know what mother love is, I even tolerated this behavior last summer, when I was quite voluminous with Reed, and Max would call me "Big Momma" as he'd rest his head against my belly....
To the best of my knowledge, the only other person with whom Max does this is Babee. She accommodates him with remarkably good humor, which is particularly helpful in her case since Max often chooses to expose her torso in public places.
I still might not have given this much thought were it not for a recent incident involving bathing suits. A few weeks ago while flipping through a magazine, I came across one of those springtime articles about best swimsuits for every figure. The article caught Max's eye, too. He enthusiastically shouted, "SKIN!" and crawled into my lap for a better view.
I have tried to make it a habit, at moments like this, to modulate my own reaction. I don't want Max to think there's anything alarming about looking at women's skin, and by the same token, I don't want to raise a voyeur. So we looked at the pictures together and I spun them into an ad hoc, interactive lesson about body parts: head, shoulders, knees and toes, that kind of thing. Imagine my surprise a few days later when Max, searching for something to do, said, "Mommy, I want to see the pictures of the girls with the skin." (Strangely, those pictures were nowhere to be found....)
So what does all this mean? I can't be sure, of course, but here's what I imagine. I think Max means: "I want to be close to you. I want a connection with you. I need comfort from you right now." And if I'm honest, he probably also means, "I like girls." So I intend for his grandmother and I to provide him with a lot of closeness and connection and comfort, and hopefully he won't need those things from other "girls" for a long time.
1 Comments:
You know, by the time you're willing to accept his getting those things from other "girls," that boy is going to be taller and bigger than you are... and I doubt that either you or his doting grandmother are going to be willing to give him "some skin" all the way up 'til that point. I'm curious to see whether Max weans himself of wanting some skin after you wean Reed... or whether Reed picks up the "skin" habit from his older brother. Personally, I think it's a rather - dare I say it - touching, charming habit, and it just makes me laugh to think of Max sticking his head under our mother's shirt in public.
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