Thursday, June 10, 2004
Consequences
I was browsing through a parenting magazine today and came across the one page (!) that's designated for dads. The blurb that caught my eye (it's not an article if it only occupies a third of a page) was called Watch Your Mouth. Here's the salient part: "You're always telling your child to 'use your words.' But if you curse around her--as many dads do--off-color language will infiltrate her vocabulary, too."
This reminded me that last week, mom told me that while Max was visiting her, he dropped something and then exclaimed, "Damn it!" (By the way, could there be many things less attractive than an expletive casually flung from the lips of two year old?)
Getting this news from mom was the emotional equivalent of being told to go sit in a small, dark room with my conscience. Because the parenting magazine got it all wrong. The truth is, Lee doesn't use any of those words. I mean ANY of those words. If he's telling a story about what someone ELSE said, he'll actually say "the S word" or "the D word". HE WILL NOT USE THOSE WORDS. I love this about him, but it does cast me in a poor light, because you know what that means. If Max isn't getting those words from his dad, he must be getting them from me. Yikes!
So I've decided that I need to do to myself what I'd do to Max under similar circumstances: I need consequences. I don't know yet what an appropriate consequence is for the offense of using foul language. I suppose I could borrow from colonial times and wear a scarlet P, but I'm not much for public humiliation. The blurb suggests putting a quarter in your kids' piggy banks. The idea of a mere fine seems to be letting myself off light, but I'm going to begin with that as I ponder and solicit other suggestions for suitable consequences. Any ideas?
To jumpstart this little consciousness-raising exercise, I've decided to fine myself retroactively. Yesterday morning, Max showed up in our room at exactly 4:30. Lee got up to take a shower and, thinking Max might go back to sleep, tucked Max in on his side of the bed. Max interpreted this as an invitation to a party and promptly woke up Baby Reed. So both boys were now up at 4:40, Lee was heading for work, and I was a cranky mommy. As I stumbled out of bed and past Lee, I confess that I quietly muttered "the S word." And I'm going to pay for it today.
This reminded me that last week, mom told me that while Max was visiting her, he dropped something and then exclaimed, "Damn it!" (By the way, could there be many things less attractive than an expletive casually flung from the lips of two year old?)
Getting this news from mom was the emotional equivalent of being told to go sit in a small, dark room with my conscience. Because the parenting magazine got it all wrong. The truth is, Lee doesn't use any of those words. I mean ANY of those words. If he's telling a story about what someone ELSE said, he'll actually say "the S word" or "the D word". HE WILL NOT USE THOSE WORDS. I love this about him, but it does cast me in a poor light, because you know what that means. If Max isn't getting those words from his dad, he must be getting them from me. Yikes!
So I've decided that I need to do to myself what I'd do to Max under similar circumstances: I need consequences. I don't know yet what an appropriate consequence is for the offense of using foul language. I suppose I could borrow from colonial times and wear a scarlet P, but I'm not much for public humiliation. The blurb suggests putting a quarter in your kids' piggy banks. The idea of a mere fine seems to be letting myself off light, but I'm going to begin with that as I ponder and solicit other suggestions for suitable consequences. Any ideas?
To jumpstart this little consciousness-raising exercise, I've decided to fine myself retroactively. Yesterday morning, Max showed up in our room at exactly 4:30. Lee got up to take a shower and, thinking Max might go back to sleep, tucked Max in on his side of the bed. Max interpreted this as an invitation to a party and promptly woke up Baby Reed. So both boys were now up at 4:40, Lee was heading for work, and I was a cranky mommy. As I stumbled out of bed and past Lee, I confess that I quietly muttered "the S word." And I'm going to pay for it today.
1 Comments:
It seems to me that the idea of paying a fine, if that's what you choose, should work both ways... which means that Max loses a quarter when he says "the D word" at Babee's. Do you want to start a system of monetary rewards and punishments for behaviors, yours or the boys'? Perhaps you should have a "time out" when you use profanity... though how that would work I don't exactly know. Of course, to make it effective as reinforcing behavior, you'd need to explain to Max why you were giving yourself a time out, sending yourself to your room, etc. (Of course, sending yourself to your room might feel like a reward on some days...)
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