Thursday, January 11, 2007
Unscheduled
Mindful of the pitfalls of overscheduling children, I've made a conscious effort to modulate the kids' activities. Last semester, Max had a group tennis lesson on Monday, and both boys had gymnastics on Wednesday, as well as swimming on Thursday until the weather turned cooler at the end of October. Maintaining this "limited" schedule meant that Max had to forego art, drama, baseball, soccer and Tae Kwan Do, all activities in which he has expressed an interest and in which a number of his friends participate.
For me, there were two primary benefits to the activities we did choose: (1) Someone else participated in my daily efforts to entertain and exhaust the boys, and (2) I got to see other moms, which sometimes served as my only adult conversation during the day (not including the cashier at the Starbucks drive-through). My kids had more unstructured time than some of Max's friends who have lessons and sports games five or more days a week. But even so, I sometimes questioned whether I was doing the right thing by them. It never crossed my mind that I might not be doing the right thing by me.
This semester, I'm taking a different tack. No scheduled activities. Not until March when we'll resume those all-important swimming lessons. When the time came for the kids to return to school, I wasn't ready for them to go back. (That's a first.) For starters, we'd had a wonderful Christmas vacation, with the boys better behaved than ever before. Moreover, it's the last semester before Max starts Kindergarten, which will more than double the number of hours he spends at school each day. So perhaps I'm feeling a bit clingy.
In just two weeks, here's what I've learned.
1. My kids are not pining for lessons. Max recently asked when he could go back to swimming, but other than that, they have not seemed to miss them.
2. I have ample time to play with the kids, grocery shop, make dinner, do the laundry, and tidy up the house because I'm not driving around the city several afternoons a week.
3. My kids find all kinds of wonderful things to do around the house, some of which involve me, and many of which do not. Making astronaut helmets. Building tents and teepees. Turning couch cushions into clubhouses. Painting rocks. Playing "rain" (clothing optional, umbrellas and hose required.) Learning to balance each other on an improvised seesaw. "Mountainclimbing" on the slide, with one of the boys on belay. Setting the table. Cleaning up their room. Making muffins. Baking banana bread. Reading books. Using their imaginations. Exercising their creativity. Participating in the sweet rhythm of family life.
4. My kids are tired and ready for bed earlier than when we were busy with activities. Some days they even ASK to go to bed. (I am not making this up.) Maybe because they've had plenty of time with each other and with me. Maybe because I have more time to establish a consistent late afternoon/early evening routine. And let me just add that when they kids are asleep by 7:00 or 7:30, it's all good.
5. The time I spent with other moms was not particularly satisfying--short in duration, with multiple distractions and interruptions. I don't miss spending time with them nearly as much as I imagined I would. And for those I really miss? We need to do lunch.
6. The people I've really missed are my kids.
For me, there were two primary benefits to the activities we did choose: (1) Someone else participated in my daily efforts to entertain and exhaust the boys, and (2) I got to see other moms, which sometimes served as my only adult conversation during the day (not including the cashier at the Starbucks drive-through). My kids had more unstructured time than some of Max's friends who have lessons and sports games five or more days a week. But even so, I sometimes questioned whether I was doing the right thing by them. It never crossed my mind that I might not be doing the right thing by me.
This semester, I'm taking a different tack. No scheduled activities. Not until March when we'll resume those all-important swimming lessons. When the time came for the kids to return to school, I wasn't ready for them to go back. (That's a first.) For starters, we'd had a wonderful Christmas vacation, with the boys better behaved than ever before. Moreover, it's the last semester before Max starts Kindergarten, which will more than double the number of hours he spends at school each day. So perhaps I'm feeling a bit clingy.
In just two weeks, here's what I've learned.
1. My kids are not pining for lessons. Max recently asked when he could go back to swimming, but other than that, they have not seemed to miss them.
2. I have ample time to play with the kids, grocery shop, make dinner, do the laundry, and tidy up the house because I'm not driving around the city several afternoons a week.
3. My kids find all kinds of wonderful things to do around the house, some of which involve me, and many of which do not. Making astronaut helmets. Building tents and teepees. Turning couch cushions into clubhouses. Painting rocks. Playing "rain" (clothing optional, umbrellas and hose required.) Learning to balance each other on an improvised seesaw. "Mountainclimbing" on the slide, with one of the boys on belay. Setting the table. Cleaning up their room. Making muffins. Baking banana bread. Reading books. Using their imaginations. Exercising their creativity. Participating in the sweet rhythm of family life.
4. My kids are tired and ready for bed earlier than when we were busy with activities. Some days they even ASK to go to bed. (I am not making this up.) Maybe because they've had plenty of time with each other and with me. Maybe because I have more time to establish a consistent late afternoon/early evening routine. And let me just add that when they kids are asleep by 7:00 or 7:30, it's all good.
5. The time I spent with other moms was not particularly satisfying--short in duration, with multiple distractions and interruptions. I don't miss spending time with them nearly as much as I imagined I would. And for those I really miss? We need to do lunch.
6. The people I've really missed are my kids.
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