Thursday, August 11, 2005
While I Was Out....
My housekeeper/nanny, Araceli, almost quit this week, all because of Max. On Monday, I left the kids with Araceli for an hour and a quarter (notable only because it was such a short period of time). While I was away, Max kicked and hit Araceli, hit and pinched her daughter Karen, and told them both that he didn't like them and wanted them to leave. When I showed up, Araceli had had enough. Mind you, she's 6 months pregnant, already with a sizeable waistline, and if memory of my own pregnancies is any guide, I'd say her patience is just about shot anyway. She was sullen for the rest of the day, and I took both kids and got out of her hair. The next day morning I told her I wasn't sure she was going to return, and from her response, it was evident that she'd actually talked to her husband about that very possibility.
What I took from this episode is two-fold. First, I need to start looking for back-up help immediately, because I don't know that I can count on Araceli being around much longer. Second, Max is overdue at getting his impulsiveness under control. He and I had a stern conversation about how unacceptable his behavior toward Araceli was, and Lee followed up on that theme when he got home, to which Max replied, "You don't know. You weren't there." Clever, perhaps, but also mighty impudent.
So I'm approaching Max this week with greater scrutiny and less tolerance. We had several incidents yesterday in which Max ignored my requests and warnings. I drew a line in the sand: push or hit or take something from Boo one more time, and you'll be having dinner in your room and spending the remainder of the evening by yourself. Next thing I knew, Max had emptied the entire contents of Reed's plate onto his own, so he was dispatched to his room.
And the wailing began.
"I don't want to be by myself! I want to be with you! I want to play with Boo! Let me out! I won't do it again!" And so forth, for about an hour. He would escape from his room, and I would carry him back. At one point, as I walked by Max's room, he grabbed my legs and sobbed, "I'm not a bad person, mommy!" (That one almost did me in.)
"No, you're a good person, Max, but you've made a lot of bad choices today. When you treat people unkindly, they don't want to be around you. I told you what would happen if you took something else from Boo today, and what did you do?"
"I took his dinner."
"And I'm so very, very sad that you did that. I'm sad because I know you want to play with us, and I'm sad because I miss you. I sure hope you make better choices tomorrow."
Eventually, the tears stopped, and eventually, Max remained in his room on his own. As I walked passed his room again, Max said philosphically, "It's better to be kind to people."
"I agree, Max. When you're kind to people, they want to be around you, and you get to do more of what you want. I think you've learned a lot today."
Sometimes I wonder whether Max, at his most disruptive, isn't begging for limits, limits that will reassure him that for all his precocity, he really isn't in charge. On my third pass by his door, Max's disposition had softened further. Climbing between his dinosaur sheets, he offered up this surprising assessment: "Today wasn't a bad day, mommy. Today was a good day. I'm ready to go to bed." It was 7:00.
What I took from this episode is two-fold. First, I need to start looking for back-up help immediately, because I don't know that I can count on Araceli being around much longer. Second, Max is overdue at getting his impulsiveness under control. He and I had a stern conversation about how unacceptable his behavior toward Araceli was, and Lee followed up on that theme when he got home, to which Max replied, "You don't know. You weren't there." Clever, perhaps, but also mighty impudent.
So I'm approaching Max this week with greater scrutiny and less tolerance. We had several incidents yesterday in which Max ignored my requests and warnings. I drew a line in the sand: push or hit or take something from Boo one more time, and you'll be having dinner in your room and spending the remainder of the evening by yourself. Next thing I knew, Max had emptied the entire contents of Reed's plate onto his own, so he was dispatched to his room.
And the wailing began.
"I don't want to be by myself! I want to be with you! I want to play with Boo! Let me out! I won't do it again!" And so forth, for about an hour. He would escape from his room, and I would carry him back. At one point, as I walked by Max's room, he grabbed my legs and sobbed, "I'm not a bad person, mommy!" (That one almost did me in.)
"No, you're a good person, Max, but you've made a lot of bad choices today. When you treat people unkindly, they don't want to be around you. I told you what would happen if you took something else from Boo today, and what did you do?"
"I took his dinner."
"And I'm so very, very sad that you did that. I'm sad because I know you want to play with us, and I'm sad because I miss you. I sure hope you make better choices tomorrow."
Eventually, the tears stopped, and eventually, Max remained in his room on his own. As I walked passed his room again, Max said philosphically, "It's better to be kind to people."
"I agree, Max. When you're kind to people, they want to be around you, and you get to do more of what you want. I think you've learned a lot today."
Sometimes I wonder whether Max, at his most disruptive, isn't begging for limits, limits that will reassure him that for all his precocity, he really isn't in charge. On my third pass by his door, Max's disposition had softened further. Climbing between his dinosaur sheets, he offered up this surprising assessment: "Today wasn't a bad day, mommy. Today was a good day. I'm ready to go to bed." It was 7:00.
16 Comments:
I imagine this lesson may need to be repeated, but I think you did a fine job, Mommy.
I hope things go more smoothly and Araceli sticks around...
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